Catfish: or, how to lose $8.50 and alienate viewers.

After you see this movie you will want to kick Ariel Shulman in the dick. And then you will want to find Henry Joost, the other director, and kick him in the taint. I was paid to see this movie and I still feel ripped off.
The ads portray the movie as some type of psycho thriller. It's even billed as "the best Hitchcock movie Hitchcock never directed." This news would make Alfred Hitchcock do somersaults in his grave. This movie is not a thriller, in fact no part of this movie is thrilling. There are maybe, maybe ten minutes of the movie that will have the audience on edge, and even that falls on its face and disappoints.
As for the "emotional rollercoaster" the trailers promise, the only emotions you're going to feel in the last ten minutes is pissed off and robbed of your hard earned money.
The only thing that could make this movie worse would be a circus clown coming out midway through and hitting you in the face with a wet trout. Even then, that would distract you from this disaster so maybe it would be comparably refreshing.
If you work a minimum wage job it would take approximately one hour to pay for a ticket to this monstrosity. Here are a few better ways to spend that hard earned money: eat it, get it turned into pennies and throw them at the homeless, flush it down the toilet, any of these are a better use of your money.
After reviewing the final cut this film should have been taken into a field and shot by the producers.

Civet Coffee: or, Basil this tastes like crap...

Where is the most expensive coffee in the world from? Ethiopia? No. How about Hawaii, I hear they make a good cup? Nope. I know, I know, it must be from Guatemala, right? Again, no it is not from Guatemala. The most coveted, expensive, high-brow coffee bean in the world comes... out of a small cat-like mammal's ass.

Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the Asian palm civet, or Luwak as it is called in Malaysia where the precious coffee beans are harvested. This animal ingests the coffee beans as a by-product of consuming the fruit surrounding it. The bean is then processed by the animal and deposited. Then, workers collect, wash, dry, and roast the beans before they are packaged and shipped out.

Let that percolate. This animal eats the fruits, digests the beans, then workers follow them picking beans out of the crap. Never mind that they are all cleaned before packaging, you are still purchasing crap.

Sure, coffee connoisseurs argue that this produces the richest, smoothest coffee on the planet but the fact of the matter is you're drinking crap. I don't see many people looking in Mr. Mitten's litter box for pre-digested delectables. Frankly my ideal morning does not involve following an animal around waiting for it to squeeze out a fresh cup of joe, but that's just me.

Still, if you feel the urge to experience all the rare foods of the world stick this on the list between Bengal burgers and dolphin danishes. Oh, and follow the link for purchasing information.

New Apple TV: or, damnit Steve, really?

The new Apple TV device was announced today at an Apple press conference in San Francisco. The set top box is now smaller, cheaper, and made simpler by removing that annoying option to purchase content.

Wait, what was that?

No, no you read correct. When using the new and improved Apple TV you will only be able to rent movies and television shows ($4.99 for first release HD movies, and $.99 for HD television shows). So, in theory I would be better off getting a Nintendo Wii, XBox 360, or Playstation 3 that plays games and can rent content from Netflix, right? Oh, what's that, the Apple TV syncs up to your Netflix account? So, that's a $10 a month charge for Netfix, plus the price of all the content you just rent... oh, okay. Looks like Apple Inc. will more than make up for the price cut by charging for those rentals.

But what about all those movies and music I have stored on my computer?

Oh, well those can be streamed to your Apple TV. So really, it's the same as the old Apple TV except with no internal storage for your movies and music. So it's really not simpler than the original Apple TV that's been out for three years, it's just smaller. But wait, you can surf a limited number of websites, like Youtube, flickr, and internet radio sites. Just think about it, no more do you have to watch Youtube on your small computer screen, you can now watch those silly cats on your big screen in all their pixilated glory.

Hey, at least I'll be able to turn that old TV into my ultimate media center... right?

Not so fast, if your television does not have an HDMI input, you're screwed. But hey, everybody who can afford Apple products can afford an upscale flat-panel TV. Sure there are adapters that you can buy, but that would adulterate the beauty that is Apple.

But, it totally integrates with all my other i-devices...

Yeah, you can stream content from your iPhone, iPod Touch, or iPad but, (and here is the big but) you could also buy a component (or composite) adapter cable for $50. For those keeping score at home, that is half the price of the new Apple TV.

So here is the take away message: if you already have an i-device, buy a cable for half the price of the Apple TV and stop worrying about streaming and renting and lining Steve Jobs' already painfully bloated wallet. And if you don't already have an i-device, go ahead and buy the Apple TV but remember, for $50 more a Nintendo Wii rents movies and plays video games that make you flail around like a giraffe on acid.